I cast on for the Elsebeth Lavold tank this morning. I even did a legitimate swatch for it last night *and* washed it *and* blocked it. What is the world coming to?

Our receptionist, Penny, has been working on this one for a while now, and is almost ready to throw down the sample and just Do The Chart. She’s a very talented knitter, she just doesn’t know it yet.

I did try to wait until she’d finished hers before I started mine (don’t ask me why, I really don’t know), but I caved last night and started swatching. I just couldn’t face another row on the Bloomfield last night. Besides… I needed a new ferry project. Bloomfield just isn’t portable. See? See how I justified that?

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Or ends, as the case may be. Check it out, yo:

All those ends, for just one row of blocks. Hoo-eee! That, my friends, is The Suck.
On the bright side, mind you, is this:

The back, is done. Done. Well, except for weaving in all those ends…

Somehow, in the last week, I managed to squeeze in a totally frivolous project, and here we have Skully, all felted and finished.

I’m not 100% thrilled with the final shape, but I missed the perfect moment in the felting process, and, well, it’s a bit more felted than I had hoped for. But whatever. It’s still amusing as all hell. Pattern is from Hello Yarn, and was done up in Lamb’s Pride Bulky, which is always fun to work with.

On a completely unrelated note… Do any of you play Eve? If you do, do you ever listen to Eve Radio? If you do, then you know my pain today. (No, I don’t play Eve. M plays Eve. A lot. Sure is purty…)

And, just to tie the title of the post back in, I present you with further proof that the apocolypse is near. And let me just say, do not have anything in your mouth when you scroll down. You’ve been warned.

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Yeah, that’s about how fast the progress on the Bloomfield Bolero is going. Holy crap. I got another stack of CSI disks last night from Netflix, and settled in for some uninterupted progress. I knit and knit and knit, and did, actually, manage to finish another row of blocks, and then I turned it over and realized that I had, oh, a bazillion ends to weave in. As Froggy says: Mad Ends. I was going to take a picture and show you just how many ends there are for every row of blocks, but that would have meant stopping what I was doing and getting the camera and… yeah, you know. I was on a ROLL, I tell ya. So no pictures for you. Let’s just say that every row of blocks has, what, 6 or 7 blocks in it? So that’s 12-14 ends right there to weave in. Then there are the blocks in the blocks, which gives us another 12-14 ends. Then add in the side panels on each block so I’m not carrying across the center blocks, and that’s yet another 12-14 ends, and then there’s my total inability to guess how long each piece needs to be, so at least 2 blocks will have to have another piece added in, giving us another 4 ends. 40-46 ends per row of blocks… Ok, so now I’ve gotten started on this - let’s just see how many ends we’ll have to weave in when all is said and done, shall we? Oh yes. Math is fun!

Ok. The back has 31 blocks with blocks in them, which gives us 186 ends. Then there are 7 blocks without blocks inside them, which gives us another 14. So a nice, solid 200 for the back.

The right side of the front has 9 blocks with blocks in them, and 5 without, and the left side has 12 with and 4 without. That gives us 64 on the right and 80 on the left.

Each sleeve has 34 with and 4 without, which makes a total of 212 each sleeve.

Adding it all up, we’ve got 200 for the back, 144 for the fronts, and 424 for the sleeves, giving us a grand total 768 just for the blocks. Seaming will give us another 8, plus the font band which will give us another 2.

So, without a fudge factor, and if I cut all the pieces the right length the first time, I’ll have 778 ends to weave in when all is said and done.

And you wondered why this project was languishing in the UFO pile…

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:::warning: bitchy rant to follow:::

The latest issue of Cast On showed up in my mailbox last night. I get it because I joined TKGA to do the master knitting course, not because I wanted it. Once again I was struck by the total lack of valuable articles/information and the glut of wretched patterns and photography.

Yes. I am a yarn snob. I admit that. I embrace that about myself. But come ON! Does the photography have to look so frickin’ low budget? Do the models all have to look so uncomfortable in what they’re wearing? Do the patterns really have to have all the extra frippery and crap on them? I think not. And would it hurt to put in a decent article or two? Mmmm, no. No it would not. Blech. There was not one appealing thing in the entire magazine. Not one.

The only bright side to the entire thing was that it wasn’t full of ponchos this time. *That* is a trend that can’t possibly die fast enough. They were ugly in the 70’s. They’re ugly now. I think since this oogy trend started I’ve only seen one picture of one poncho that didn’t make me cringe, and that, I’m pretty sure, was only because the model in it was HOT HOT HOT. Oh my god hot. With long, wavy, red hair and that divine milky skin that only real redheads have. The poncho was probably ugly as sin, as they all are, but I don’t really remember. I’m so easily distracted…

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Went for cheap Chinese food with Tony and Bill yesterday, and my fortune said:

I ’bout peed myself laughing.

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I knew I was a dork, but I didn’t realize I was quite *that* nerdy. Shit.

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…people suck. So many people suck. Seemingly normal women who give their three year old blonde little girls dreadlocks?* They suck. People who hate their lives and so try to make everyone else as miserable as they are? Yeah, suckful. Asshat tech support people who can’t find their own asses with both hands and a map? Yep. You guessed it. Suck-o-rama. And men who don’t seem to understand that a bottle of cologne isn’t a single-serving size? As sucky as…. as… as a big sucky thing.

I could go on at length about how sucky people are tonight, but, alas, I’m not going to. It’s really probably better that way, all things considered. Since I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow, I should probably just go to bed.

Oh yeah, Meet the Fockers was damn funny.

*this goes back to my stance on white folks and dreadlocks. Don’t do it, people. It just doesn’t look good. Ever. You got hair that was *meant* to do that? It can look sexy as all hell. Blonde dreads just look nappy. And gross. And fashion-victimish. Yech. Just my opinion. Don’t getcherself in an uproar if you don’t agree.

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Beavercraft is now on a spankin’ new server somewhere. I’ve lost track of where the server farm is at this point, but the good news is that it all works, and there are new features (well, for me at least. y’all probably won’t see any difference). And it works. Works! Can you believe it? For freakin’ sure, baby. All in all I managed to only lose one comment, and that one I can reconstruct as soon as I get back to the office on wednesday. Not too bad. I heart Drak.

I’m off to Portland this afternoon (on the train, no less), for three glorious days of tax-free shopping! Oh, wait, no, work. Right. I’m going down for work. And I have no money, so there won’t be any tax-free shopping. Shit. Well, that just puts a whole new spin on things, doesn’t it. On the (extremely) bright side, I will (hopefully) be getting to go see Baby Owen! And, maybe if the universe smiles on me (for once), I’ll also get to see Baby Isabella. But that’s probably too much to ask for. But I’m gonna ask anyway. You know me, always pushing the envelope (as it were).

Yay! Portland! Yay! Auto show! Yay! Babies! Yay! Parentheses!

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Fuck if I know. I’m down to one languishing UFO, and I’ve made good progress on that one. Good progress I tell you.

So! What should be next? Hmmm? Maybe this? or, maybe this?, or… this?. Or….

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I’m thinkin’ that one ranks pretty high on the list of things your friends don’t expect you to say. Especially the non-knitting ones.

But look!

My friend MK asked me to make that for her, and who am I to say no to a request like that? Besides, I’d been looking for an excuse to make the Womb from the winter Knitty. It knit up in a couple of hours, and made me giggle from start to finish. I liked it so much I had to make a second one (which I haven’t put together yet because the only pipe cleaners I had handy were metallic ones, and they do NOT like yarn. No way no how, folks. Grabby. Uppity. Not fun). I did it in Lamb’s Pride Bulky on size… uh…. 9’s? 10’s? something. One of each, maybe, since one of them is smaller than the other. The wombs, not the needles. I’m blonde, but not *that* blonde. Sheesh.

Ok, moving on. The promised picture of the finished Apricot Jacket in Debbie Bliss Cashmerino:

And yeah, I obviously ate my body weight in pizelles over the holidays, and y’all can just get right the hell over it. I’m back to eating well, and the extra 70 or so pounds I packed on in Colorado should be gone in a month or two. Or three. Maybe six.

And the dreaded Perfect Pie Shawl, finally freakin’ finished:

Shall we look at that edging up close and personal? Oh, let’s shall!

There. That’s all you get today. Ooooh! Except this - some kind soul posted to the RAOK list this morning about KnitPicks having their own line of yarn now, and holy crap is it cheap! Woo! I might have to check out the silk blend stuff - it looks really nice, and for that kind of money, who could say no? Anyone have any experience with it? Is it wonderful? Does it suck? What do you know? Do tell! Please!

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A great weight has been lifted. The Perfect Pie Shawl is finally done! I kid you not. I finished the last of the (goddamned) lace edging this morning on the ferry, so all that’s left is to block it. Then I can box it up and never look at it again. Oh, wait. No. That’s not right. Then I can *wear* it. Right. That.

And if you haven’t seen the Brit comedy series “Spaced“, hie thee to the nearest video rental establishment and rent it. Seriously. It’s FUNNY. Done by the same guy who did Shaun Of The Dead. So you know it’s going to be good.

Get back to work!

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Yawn. The Apricot Jacket is Done! In a record 14 days, with time off for good behavior.
I’m way too freakin’ tired to take a picture of it now, and I definitely wasn’t gonna post a picture of it the way I tried it on earlier, since that would have been true German knitting magazine-style and probably would have offended some people’s sensibilities. Besides, there’re already too many pictures of (my) nipples on the internet.

Also finally got new buttons for the Elizabeth collar and got that done tonight. And got some of the stash *gasp* organized.

So, some partial organization, a new warm thing, and a new sweater. Not too bad for a weekend where sitting on my butt and doing as little as possible was the plan.

Of course, now that I’ve dug through the stash and given it some semblance of structure, I found several UFO’s langushing under piles of yarn and fiber. Shocking, I know. So, the big question now is: do I jump in and start something new? or do I suck it up and finish one of the languishing projects? The Perfect Pie shawl is probably the one thing I really ought to just suck it up and finish. It’s soooooo close to being done, and then I could actually use it and quit feeling guilty for spurning it for more interesting projects.

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The first of the Beaver Babies has arrived! Hooray!
Welcome to the world, Owen!

One down, two to go.

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M was just upstairs wondering why the Coast Guard helicopter kept buzzing our neighborhood (we’re in a no-fly zone), so he went to look out the window and see what was up, and this is what he saw from the living room window:

and from the deck:

Sadly, the sun was immediately above it, so the pictures are crappy, but it was pretty cool to watch that come in anyway. Although M was pretty freakin’ amused that an armed aircraft carrier was getting flyover support from an un-armed bright orange CG rescue copter. He used to be in the CG, so this is probably much more amusing to him than to the rest of us…

And… as promised, photos of the Rebecca (non) Apricot Jacket in progress:

and

The back is also finished now, and the front *was* about 1/3 finished when I discovered that I’m an idiot and that I had cast on the number of stitches for the sleeves instead of for the fronts, and had to rip it all out and start the fronts again. Crap. Alas. Should be finished this weekend. Woot!

And, for endless amusement value, may I present my (almost) 12 year old daughter wearing a t-shirt that I made for her when she was 4:

with sleeve detail, even:

I cracked completely the hell up when she came out of her bedroom wearing this last weekend. She has, apparently, never stopped wearing it, and loves it. She keeps getting taller and taller and taller, and yet, not much bigger around. Her size 10 slim pants are gigantic in the waist, but bordering on highwaters at this point. The shirt was a little big on her when I made it, and fairly long, and now it’s just a hair narrow in the shoulders, and in another couple of months it will be too short, but sheesh! 8 years of wear? Who can beat that? (the boring white t-shirt blank came from a company called Max EB. I couldn’t find a link to them online, so they may be out of business at this point, but for t-shirt blanks they kicked all available ass)

UPDATE: I just found a phone number for Max EB - I haven’t tried calling to see if it’s still any good, but just in case:
Max e.b. Clothing Company INC. phone : 201 -595 -8001 Cotton blanks - No minimum / Free catalog

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I swear I’m about ready to give in to that primal kindergarden urge to solve all my problems by biting the person who is pissing me off. One good chomp and the issue would be gone. I’d probably get fired, but…. might be worth it. Probably not, but the fantasy is kind of nice. The look of abject shock (shock and awe, folks! you know you love it). Yeah, it’d be funny as all hell.

Tonight is gonna be funky, but at least tomorrow night I get to go to the range and blow shit up. That will be a lovely thing, I’m thinkin. Yes indeed.

Oooh! and on a brighter note… Cashmere. Oooooh. Aaaaahhhh. I’m finally learning how to spin the bag ‘o cashmere that I found on eBay ages ago. I’m very excited, and it’s coming out wonderfully. I’m really digging it. I’ll post pictures… uh…. this weekend. Yeah. That’s the ticket.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

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